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" (I spelled it all out, eschewing the "R U," because, you know, being said!—would often die in a quick and merciful way, but many Chats ended with an agreed-to meeting place, which was unusually convenient for both of us since, by the very nature of this whole game, we lived within a block of each other.(You know who you are.) The whole thing was confusing, mainly because one's brain isn't built to process hundreds of stories in a few months. He strolled into the lobby and swiveled his head twice quickly. In the realm of i Dating, he's a bit of a rock star.I have to say, it is genuinely unnerving to wake up in a Los Angeles hotel room at 3 A. and read that a man calling himself "Bear 4 U" is eleven feet away from you right now, when even the The first time I met Joel Simkhai, the 35-year-old founder of Grindr and Blendr, he had kindly offered to pick me up at my L. This place had a perfectly fine restaurant—why move? "I like things that are Get this image out of your head: that Simkhai is some kind of tech-geek recluse, spurred to create software in order to find make-believe friends who loved _Star Trek _as much as he did. At the NYC Pride pier dance, everyone seemed to know him, and he strode through the crowd turning heads; Grindr T-shirts, in their instantly recognizable taxicab yellow, mingled all around him. Simkhai was an isolated boy in Mamaroneck, New York, still halfheartedly dating girls when he started using Compu Serve's lone gay channel.My deep misunderstanding of Chat was that it was meant to be witty, an actual conversation. Over the months, I learned the mysteries of this strange realm: its customs, its argot, and its social hierarchies.But eventually I realized that the "Sup" people were not cavemen. They were men in a rush to achieve, and that's what men like to think they do. For instance, in my countless conversations with countless guys, only one man who ever identified himself on his page as a Bottom ever responded to me; Tops almost always did.Together the sex-crazed and lonely hearts and the rest were building a digital neighborhood on top of their physical one.

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I knew to expect only one thing when our dot and pushpin met: that the guy wouldn't look much like his tiny picture. But the Grindr team, in September, was launching a new app, Blendr—which was not just for gay guys but for Everybody.To be a grinder, unlike with or e Harmony or Ok Cupid or any of the other doddering old i Date sites, you need register no name, no password—not even a screen name.Those other sites are proud of asking for massive detail.Grinding is less a pastime than a palm-sized addiction. Grinders spend an average of ninety minutes on the app every day—and not just in one session. In my experience, that's an unrealistic number. I never wanted to get to the neurotic stage where I logged on while walking around, so I made a point of doing less walking around. My theory was that Tops took it as a challenge, whereas Bottoms seemed to feel they'd already come up short in our imagined duel of wits, and that was good enough for them.It is also standard practice among grinders to steer clear of certain red flags.

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